The Cast of Characters
Meet the Rogues: Z to A and Dumb All the Way Down
“The Official See Ya Registry of Rogues & Reprobates.”
Filed Z to A. Because when it comes to corruption, we’re not starting at the beginning—we’re starting at the bottom.
Welcome to the official lineup of political pyromaniacs, constitutional contortionists, and MAGA miscreants featured in See Ya – Wouldn’t Want to Be Ya. These are the liars, grifters, bootlickers, and backstabbers who’ve turned American democracy into their personal dumpster fire—and now they’ve earned a permanent place in the See Ya Hall of Infamy.
Turns out, one book couldn’t hold all the outrage.
Volume 1 covers the top-tier trainwrecks: the President, his Cabinet of Cronies, White House whisperers, and a few elite-level idiots too corrupt to ignore.
Volume 2 digs deeper into the barrel for the enablers; representatives in congress, sycophants, and fringe lunatics propping up this dystopian dynasty like it's the world’s worst Jenga tower.
And in fitting tribute to the ass-backward, logic-optional way these reprobates operate, the list—and the book’s table of contents—marches in glorious reverse: Z to A, not A to Z. Because why follow order when you can court chaos?
Scroll on, cringe freely, and take notes—these are the names to remember when history asks, “Who broke it?”
The list below is everyone in books one and two.
Zeldin, Lee – Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency
“Long Island Lackey”
EPA now stands for Environmental Pollution Agency under his watch.
Wright, Chris – Secretary of Energy
“Drill Baby Dud”
Fossil-fueled fanaticism disguised as “energy independence.”
Wiles, Susie – White House Chief of Staff
“The Queen of the Grift Hive”
MAGA’s backroom boss, orchestrating loyalty and loot.
Waltz, Michael – National Security Advisor
“Combat Cosplayer-in-Chief”
More war posturing than war planning.
Vought, Russell – Director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB)
“The Gospel of Bureaucratic Doom”
Turns federal budgeting into an evangelical apocalypse.
Vance, J.D. – Vice President of the United States
“The Hillbilly Hypocrite”
Morals sold faster than Hillbilly Elegy book rights.
Trump, Donald J. – President of the United States (47th)
“The Tangerine Tyrant”
America’s orange embarrassment-in-chief.
Turner, Scott – Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
“Secretary of False Hope”
All buzzwords, no blueprints.
Stone, Roger – Political Operative and Dirty Trickster
“The Nixon Necromancer”
Summoning felonies from the political graveyard.
Stefanik, Elise – U.S. Representative from New York
“The Ivy League Iago”
Harvard to hack in record time.
Sacks, David – Crypto Czar / Silicon Valley Financier
“Crypto Karl Rove”
Scheming to decentralize democracy—one grift at a time.
Scavino, Dan – White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Communications
“The Tweet Butler”
Serving up memes and disinfo on command.
Sanders, Sarah Huckabee – Governor of Arkansas
“The Gospel Gaslighter”
Blending religion with revisionism.
Rosendale, Matt – U.S. Representative from Montana
“The Coward of the High Plains”
Anti-everything, including accountability.
Rollins, Brooke – Secretary of Agriculture
“Policy Barbie”
Fake populism with a billionaire’s polish.
Rubio, Marco – Secretary of State
“The Human Weathervane”
Principle sold separately.
Rogers, Wendy – Arizona State Senator
“The Militia Mouthpiece”
Boosts white nationalists, blocks facts—MAGA’s Telegram troll-in-residence.
Ratcliffe, John – Director of the CIA
“The Intel Illiterate”
Dumbed down national security for partisan profit.
Powell, Sidney – Disbarred Former Trump Lawyer
“The Kraken Karrier”
She promised thunder, delivered typo-ridden tremors.
Patrick, Dan – U.S. Representative from Texas (in-book role)
“The Voucher Vulture”
Bible in one hand, school funding in the shredder.
Patel, Kash – Director of the FBI
“Kash’d Out”
National security’s least qualified gatekeeper.
Oz, Mehmet – Administrator of the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS)
“Dr. Quack-in-Chief”
From TV to tyranny, with pseudoscience in tow.
Navarro, Peter – Former White House Trade Advisor / Convicted Felon
“The Pandemic Profiteer”
Peddled junk cures while America burned.
Noem, Kristi – Secretary of Homeland Security
“The Mount Rushmore Megalomaniac”
COVID cowboy turned chaos queen.
Musk, Elon – Tech Billionaire / MAGA Mouthpiece
“The Rocketman Rasputin”
Tesla brains, Twitter tantrums.
Mitchell, Cleta – Conservative Lawyer & Election Denier
“The Spreadsheet Seditionist”
The Karen of coup logistics.
Miller, Stephen – White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy & Homeland Security
“The Ghoul Behind the Curtain”
MAGA’s dark wizard of xenophobia.
McMahon, Linda – Secretary of Education
“The Small Biz Billionaire”
Wrestling fame meets policy farce.
McConnell, Mitch – U.S. Senator from Kentucky
“The Cryptkeeper of the Senate”
He doesn’t pass bills—he embalms them.
McCarthy, Kevin – Former Speaker of the House
“The Squeaker of the House”
Ambition’s empty vessel.
Lutnick, Howard – Secretary of Commerce
“The Brokerage Barbarian”
Bets big on deregulation, ethics be damned.
Loomer, Laura – MAGA Activist & Media Personality
“The Banned Banshee”
Suspended everywhere, screaming forever.
Leavitt, Karoline – White House Press Secretary
“The Teenage Megaphone”
All decibels, no depth.
Lake, Kari – MAGA Personality / Election Denier
“The Mirror Mirror Candidate”
She never met a camera—or conspiracy—she didn’t love.
Loeffler, Kelly – Administrator of the Small Business Administration
“Wall Street Barbie”
Bought her way into politics, ethics sold separately.
Lindell, Mike – Pillow CEO / Election Conspiracy Theorist
“The Pillow Pusher of Paranoia”
Foam-filled fantasies and full-blown delusions.
Miller, Mary – U.S. Representative from Illinois
“The Nazi Quote Navigator”
Praised Hitler, voted harder. Proof you can fail upward in MAGAland.
Manafort, Paul – Convicted Former Trump Campaign Chair
“The Oligarch Whisperer”
MAGA’s man in Moscow—unregistered, unethical, unbothered.
Martin, Ed – Director, DOJ Weaponization Working Group
“The Weaponization Wonk”
Litigates like it’s Inquisition 2.0.
McEnany, Kayleigh – Former White House Press Secretary
“The Blonde Briefing Bomb”
Binder full of lies, smile full of smug.
Johnson, Mike – Speaker of the House
“The Piety-Packed Puppet”
Preaches purity, legislates paranoia—America’s Bible-thumping bootlicker.
Mike Huckabee - United States Ambassador to Israel
The Pastor of Political Pious Fraudulence
Hawley, Josh – U.S. Senator from Missouri
“The Sprinter from the Coup”
Raised a fist, ran like hell. Coup cosplay meets Ivy League cowardice.
Habba, Alina – Interim U.S. Attorney for the District of New Jersey
“The Courtroom Karaoke Queen”
All theatrics, no precedent.
Greene, Marjorie Taylor – U.S. Representative from Georgia
“The Jewish Space Laser Lady”
Conspiracy couture with a crossfit core.
Greer, Jamieson – U.S. Trade Representative
“The Tariff Trainee”
Turned trade policy into a paper jam.
Grassley, Chuck – U.S. Senator from Iowa
“The Cornfield Cryptkeeper”
Still here. Still lost in the 1950s.
Giuliani, Rudy – Disgraced Former Trump Attorney / Convicted Felon
“The Meltdown Mayor”
Hair dye, lies, and legal liabilities.
Gosar, Paul – U.S. Representative from Arizona
“The Anime Assailant”
Censured for cartoons, praised by Proud Boys.
Graham, Lindsey – U.S. Senator from South Carolina
“The Weather Vain”
Spins faster than a Beltway ceiling fan.
Eastman, John – Disbarred Former Trump Lawyer / Coup Architect
“The Coup Cartographer”
Drew the blueprint for sedition—then shredded his bar card.
Duffy, Sean – Secretary of Transportation
“The Flannel-Wrapped Farce of Faux Populism”
He wears plaid like a populist, votes like a plutocrat. Sean’s idea of infrastructure is a Fox News segment on potholes.
Collins, Doug – Secretary of Veterans Affairs
“The Courtroom Clown”
Ranted through impeachment like a MAGA auctioneer.
Chavez-DeRemer, Lori – Secretary of Labor
“The Labor Union Busterette”
Labor secretary who hates labor. Naturally.
Cawthorn, Madison – Former U.S. Representative from North Carolina
“The Paraplegic Posterboy for Poor Judgment”
Guns, groping, and grievance.
Carter, Buddy – U.S. Representative from Georgia
“The Pharmacy Panderer”
A Big Pharma mascot in a MAGA pin.
Carr, Chris – Attorney General of Georgia
“The Lawsuit Lackey”
Filed more press releases than prosecutions.
Bondi, Pam – Attorney General of the United States
“The Pay-to-Play Prosecutor”
Sold out justice, cashed in loyalty.
Brooks, Mo – Former U.S. Representative from Alabama
“The Caped Coup Crusader”
Wore body armor to a riot, then claimed amnesia.
Boebert, Lauren – U.S. Representative from Colorado
“The Glockenspiel of Gilead”
Armed ignorance in high heels.
Bessent, Scott – Treasury Undersecretary for Finance (in-book placement)
“The Hedge Fund Hypocrite”
Wants a tax-free utopia for billionaires.
Banks, Jim – U.S. Senator from Indiana
“The Middle Manager of MAGA”
Ambition without originality.
Bannon, Steve – Alt-Right Strategist & Former Trump Advisor
“The Sloppy Svengali”
Stank of sedition and sweat.
Burgum, Doug – Secretary of the Interior
“The Fossil Fuel Frontman”
Tech talker turned oil whisperer.
Biggs, Andy – U.S. Representative from Arizona
“The Proud Boy’s Pen Pal”
House seat, hate mail, same font.
Bishop, Dan – Deputy Director, Office of Management and Budget (OMB)
“The Bathroom Bill Brute”
Wrote discrimination into law, then cooked the books.